


Lies of Omission

by IronWoman359



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (mild and in the context of a nightmare), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Body Horror, Bruises, Gen, Helplessness, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Lies, Manipulation, Minor Violence, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Self-Doubt, Trauma, Villain Deceit Sanders, self-deprication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 00:06:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16230089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronWoman359/pseuds/IronWoman359
Summary: Lying is wrong. With some rare exceptions. As Morality, it is Patton’s job to determine what those are. But when he makes a decision to tell a lie of his own, he realizes the burden he’s trying to carry might just be too heavy for him to bear alone. But he can’t let the others know what really happened when Deceit took his place...that truth is too horrible for anyone but himself to know. Or at least, that’s what he believes. But belief doesn’t always translate to reality.





	Lies of Omission

**Author's Note:**

> In this fic, I did my best to portray the experience of and reaction to a traumatic event. That being said, I myself am not a victim of trauma, so if there is anything inaccurate or offensive about my portrayal here, please don’t be afraid to let me know, so that next time I can do better. Please heed the warnings reading this fic, but also know that this story does have a happy/hopeful ending. Enjoy!

Patton would be the first to tell the others that lying was wrong. It was part of his job, he was, after all, Morality. He guided not just Thomas, but the other sides through their moral dilemmas and helped them arrive at the best conclusion. It seemed like it’d be a simple task, to keep them on the straight and narrow, but Patton knew better than most that Morality was not all black and white. Oh, in a perfect world, yes, there were clear lines between right and wrong, but perfect worlds were so rarely practical. Plato’s dilemma about lying to a known murderer was evidence of that. 

Wait, was it Plato? That didn’t sound right, wasn’t that a much later question? Wolff’s maybe? Patton couldn’t keep the names and dates of philosophy straight, honestly, and that type of thing was more Logan’s job anyway. But he knew the  _theories_  of philosophy, and that’s what was really important. In Patton’s mind it was much more important to remember what was said than who said it when. 

Regardless of who had asked the question though, Patton had always thought it illustrated perfectly how fragile a black and white moral system could be when faced with a real world dilemma. Okay, it was unlikely that a known murderer would show up at his door and demand to know where one of his friends was, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that sometimes to keep the ones you loved safe, you had to tell a lie. 

How oddly fitting then that he, Morality, would lie to the others’ faces in the same breath that he reassured them with. 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

Patton lay on the large, fluffy bed in his room, staring up at the fairy lights on his ceiling. Last night had been exhausting, between Roman’s excitement over the cute guy Thomas had been hanging out with and Virgil’s panic upon realizing where they were actually  _supposed_ to be. He couldn’t help but feel partly to blame, he’d shared Roman’s excitement when Thomas had been asked if he’d like to hang out, and had completely forgotten that Thomas had a prior commitment, but after they all realized their mistake Roman and Virgil’s arguing had been so loud he hadn’t been able to get a word in edgewise. He’d been relieved when Thomas finally lay down to go to sleep; even though Virgil was making it difficult for him to actually drift off, Patton at least could relax a little until the morning. They could tackle the issue headfirst once they’d all gotten some rest. 

Of course, it couldn’t be that simple, could it? 

The next morning only saw the issue become more complicated. No sooner than had Patton risen, Thomas’s phone dinged with a text from Joan, and Virgil’s wave of panic could be felt throughout the whole mindscape. 

_WHERE WERE U LAST NIGHT F WORD FACE?_

Thomas was in need of his counseling, or the situation could spiral even further out of control. Patton was just about to sink out to talk to Thomas, when he heard a knock on his bedroom door. 

“Come in!” he called, and when the door opened, he saw the side he’d least expected to see. “Deceit? What do you want?” he asked, surprised.” 

“The same thing you do, Morality,” Deceit said as he entered Patton’s realm, closing the door behind him. “I want to see Thomas through this situation.” 

Patton raised an eyebrow. 

Unbeknownst to the other sides, Patton and Deceit actually worked very closely with each other. Every time Deceit proposed a major lie, Patton considered it, and decided whether or not it was the correct choice to make. As much as Patton hated lying, he understood that there were times it was necessary, and as such he found it important to at least lend Deceit an ear whenever he had a major suggestion. 

More often than not, Patton turned him down, which he could tell bothered the snakelike side immensely, but the fact of the matter was that Deceit wanted to lie in almost  _every_  situation, which was far more often than necessary. Oh, a few white lies snuck through without Patton’s permission here and there, but for the most part, Patton kept Deceit’s influence to a minimum.

All that to say Patton wasn’t too surprised that Deceit wanted to weigh in on the dilemma at hand, which is why he didn’t dismiss the dark side immediately. Instead he folded his arms and regarded Deceit with the calm but firm expression he reserved for when he needed to strictly consider a dark side’s proposal.

“And how do you suggest we do that?” he asked. Deceit grinned, and Patton couldn’t help but feel a hint of unease at the expression, though he kept his own face blank. 

“If Thomas tells dear old Joan the truth about why he wasn’t at the play last night, Joan’s feelings will be crushed. Protecting the friendship between the two of them is important, wouldn’t you say?” 

“Yes...” Patton said carefully, unsure if he liked where Deceit was taking this train of thought.  

“Well, in order to preserve the relationship, Thomas should lie to Joan about why he wasn’t there! Come up with some other reason, one that’s more excusable than  _I forgot because I was hanging out with some guy in the hopes that a new romance might blossom between us.”_ Deceit eyed Patton eagerly, waiting for his response. 

Patton thought it over. While it was true, the truth would hurt Joan’s feelings, he couldn’t help but feel that missing the reading wasn’t an important enough grievance to risk the friendship further over by lying to Joan’s face. Surely that was a far worse offence than forgetting about plans. 

“Come now, Morality, you know I’m right,” Deceit pressed. 

“I don’t know, Deceit,” Patton replied. “I think in this case, honesty is more important than trying to spare Joan’s feelings further. Besides, what if Joan finds out later Thomas lied? That will be far worse than whatever happens over this incident now.” 

“He won’t find out, not if Thomas lies well enough,” Deceit insisted. “And I can make him lie well enough, Patton, you know I can.” 

Patton shook his head. 

“I know Virgil is giving this a lot of weight, but I honestly think that he and Thomas are blowing it out of proportion. A little dose of reality from Logan and we should be able to calm things down without your help.” 

Patton expected Deceit to pout, to fold his arms and throw a mini tantrum like he so often did when his contributions were put down, no matter how gently Patton tried to do it. But instead of his usual outburst, a chilling smile spread slowly across Deceit’s face, and Patton swore for a moment he saw his snake’s eye flash.

“Well now...that  _is_  a shame,” he sighed, and his voice sent an involuntary shiver down Patton’s spine. “I was rather hoping to have the _real_  Morality for this performance...after all, Thomas  _listens_  to you.” 

Patton frowned. 

“What’re you--Mmph!” he was cut off suddenly by a gloved hand clamping over his mouth as a strong arm wrapped around his torso, pinning his arms to his sides. 

The grinning image of Deceit in front of him flickered and vanished, and Patton felt hot breath against his neck as the real Deceit hissed in his ear.

“But I suppose the understudy will have to do.” 

Patton struggled, desperately trying to break free, but it was no use; Deceit’s grip on him was too tight. His room swam before his eyes, fading from view as Deceit sunk him out against his will, his hold never loosening. 

They rose up in what was unfamiliar territory to Patton, though he didn’t have to think very hard about where he might be. The room felt fuzzy, blurry at the edges as though the whole place was nothing more than an illusion. Whispers hovered in the corners, and after a moment Patton realized he could make out words. 

_Thomas will be fine. You’ll be fine. Everything is fine._

Patton shook his head, trying to clear it, but the voices were growing louder, bleeding into his mind and overtaking his senses.

_You’re never sad. There’s nothing to feel bad about. Nothing hurts._

“No...” Patton whimpered, struggling again against Deceit’s grasp, but finding it harder and harder to focus. 

_You're always happy. You can keep smiling. You can handle it._

“ _Awww_ , what’s wrong, Morality?” Deceit crooned, laughing as Patton slowly went limp, the fight draining out of him. “Don’t you like my room?” 

Deceit let go and shoved him, hard. Patton stumbled forward, falling onto his hands and knees. He reached up to cover his ears, trying to block out the voices, but nothing he did could stop their onslaught. 

_The others see you. Your opinions are valued. They would never patronize you. Never on purpose._

“The lies we tell ourselves are the sweetest ones of all, are they not?” Deceit crooned as he circled Patton slowly, like a predator sizing up its prey. “Why worry all the time when it’s so much easier to just  _let go,_ hmm? Go on then, Morality. Just  ** _let go._ ”**

Patton’s mind was filling up with fog, but he managed to spit out a defiant _ **“no,”**_ causing the amused expression to fall from Deceit’s face.

He bent over and grabbed Patton’s chin, forcing his head up and leaning in until the two were practically nose to nose. 

“Just remember,” he hissed, “You could have stopped this if you’d just played along. What happens next? Is all  _your_ fault.” 

“You...can’t do this,” Patton insisted. His body was as sluggish and heavy as a lead weight, and he could barely keep his eyes open, but he glared up at Deceit anyways. 

“The others will find me,” he continued, forcing the words out through gritted teeth, but Deceit just laughed, letting go of Patton’s chin and patting him softly on the cheek. 

“Oh, Morality. Sweet, naive little Morality.  _What makes you think they’ll come looking?”_

Patton’s eyes widened as Deceit’s form began to shift. His scales melted away and were replaced by freckles, and his yellow snake’s eye faded to match Patton’s warm brown. His gloves and hat vanished as glasses appeared on his face, and his opera cape morphed into a light gray cardigan tied around his shoulders, his shirt now a bright blue polo bearing Patton’s logo. 

“What do you think?” Deceit taunted, spinning around for full effect. “I make a convincing Morality, no?” 

Patton struggled to stand, to try and  _do_ something, but Deceit pushed him back down with little effort. 

“Ah ah ah,” he tutted. “None of that." 

He snapped his fingers and a large pair of empty yellow gloves appeared above Patton’s head. String trailed down from their fingertips and wrapped around Patton’s torso, arms, legs, wrists, and ankles. Patton yelped as Deceit flicked his wrist and the gloves pulled upwards, lifting him off the ground like a living marionette doll. A twitch of Deceit’s finger and the strings around Patton’s wrist jerked, forcing his own hand to clamp over his mouth. 

“There!” Deceit exclaimed, clapping his hands in an eerie impression of Patton’s own bubbly personality. “You make such a lovely puppet!” 

Patton strained against the hand, trying to call out to someone,  _anyone_  for help, but the effort only made Deceit roll his eyes.

“You really  _should_ keep that up, Morality, the others can  _definitely_  hear you.” A malicious grin spread across his face, and he added “Can’t have you running off or calling the others on me, now can I?” Deceit patted Patton’s cheek in mock affection, then clapped his hands again. 

“Now, I must be off! Thomas needs a little pep talk from his favorite father figure.” He gave one more cheerful wave, then he was gone, sinking out and leaving Patton alone dangling two feet off the ground. 

The moment Deceit vanished, Patton began twisting and thrashing mid-air, frantically trying to free himself, but it was no use. The thread held him fast, and soon Patton's energy was spent. He hung limply from the strings with his hand still stubbornly pressed over his mouth.

_The others won’t fall for it..._ he thought desperately.  _They’ll come looking for me, he won’t fool them..._

He squeezed his eyes shut, a few tears slipping out from under his lids. 

_You're always happy._

__Your opinions are valued._ _

_**The others will find you.** _

Deceit had been right about one thing. The lies you tell yourself are the sweetest of all.

* * *

 

Patton wasn’t sure how long he hung there, surrounded by the lies, but after a time he realized that he could feel something through the sickly sweet haze of Deceit’s room. A tugging at his gut that indicated Thomas was morally conflicted and needed his help. Despite his current situation, Patton couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride for his host. Even without him there to act as a guide, Thomas was still concerned about doing what was right. 

_Please,_ Patton wished silently, his hand still clamped firmly over his mouth.  _You know what’s right, Kiddo, I know that you do...please don’t listen to him, please..._

He was paying attention now, straining his senses beyond the room’s influence to pick up on whatever he could from Thomas about what was going on. Doing so was almost worse than letting his mind go numb beneath the lies, because now Patton was painfully aware of the string cutting into his wrists and ankles, how slowly time was passing, and how utterly, devastatingly  _alone_  he was. Still, he grit his teeth and forced his eyes to stay open and his mind to stay clear. 

Someone  _had_  to notice that he wasn’t there...they just  _had_ to...

It felt like an eternity, but eventuallysomething must have happened, because the strings keeping Patton airborne suddenly went slack, unceremoniously dumping him to the ground. He grunted, climbing to his feet and dusting off his knees. One hand remained stuck against his mouth, and a few experimental tugs at the string on his wrists found that it refused to budge, still effectively confining him to Deceit’s room, but at least he wasn’t hanging two feet above the ground anymore. 

_The others take you seriously._

Patton groaned beneath his hand. The lies hissing in his ears never let up, and served as a stark reminder of where he was. He paced back and forth as far as the strings would let him, trying to distract himself from the voices. 

He could still feel Thomas; he was less conflicted now, but decidedly  _not_  happy, and there was something else, too. Something buried beneath Thomas’s discomfort. It was less noticeable than Thomas’s own feelings, meaning that it was one of the other sides, but Patton could still feel it, plain as day. 

Worry.

And not just worry,  _suspicion._ It was faint behind the murkiness of Deceit’s room, but it was still there, and it was  _strong._  Too strong to be Roman, or even Logan. That meant...

_Virgil._

A spark of hope swelled up in Patton’s chest as the string loosened again, allowing him to pull most of it off, but one strand was still wrapped around his wrist, keeping his palm pressed firmly against his mouth. This time though, Patton was determined. He grabbed the string with his free hand and started yanking on it with every ounce of strength he had, desperate tears pooling in his eyes as it still refused to budge. 

_Come on,_  he begged silently, wincing as his wrist was rubbed raw against the string.  _Come on, you have to come off, I have to get out of here, they **need**  me... _

A sudden tug in his gut, and the string fell away harmlessly. Patton stared down in shock, before he felt another tug, and this time his hand finally,  _finally_  fell away from his mouth. 

_Patton..._

A voice sounded in his head as he felt the tug a third time, and he recognized it as Virgil’s. 

_Please, Patton, we need you, Patton please, **Dad,**  we need you,  **please...**_

Patton grit his teeth and sunk out of Deceit’s room. This charade had gone on long enough. He rose up into the living room, ready to reveal what Deceit had done. 

He promptly hit his head on Deceit’s feet. 

“OW!” He exclaimed, landing in the empty commons directly where his spot stood in the real world. “Oh my head...” He glared upwards and was about to rise up again before something made him pause. It was another emotion, emanating mostly from Thomas but echoed by all of them, especially Virgil. 

Fear. 

Thomas was terrified of Deceit, and that Patton was somehow gone for good. Virgil was afraid for Thomas, and that something horrible had happened to Patton. Logan was afraid of being silenced, and Roman was afraid he’d failed. Patton felt all of it, their fear and panic and worry, and knew in an instant that if they saw him right now...as he  _really_ was? Disheveled, eyes puffy from crying, angry red marks on his wrists and arms...it would only make everything worse. 

Right now, they didn’t need the broken, battered mess that he was, they needed their dad. Patton took a deep breath and rose up a second time, this time moving to avoid colliding with Deceit. He let his own disguise fall into place as he moved, hiding away the evidence of what he’d been through with a bright smile and a cheery “Hey!” 

He turned to Deceit and put his chin in his hand, a wide, hollow grin plastered across his face. 

“Ummmmmm...you’re in my spot,” he said, and Deceit sighed, looking away. Here, in the bright, well lit commons he was so much less threatening than he’d been in the haze of his own room. Patton felt a surge of strength at the sight of him so obviously defeated, and he squared his shoulders, forcing his facade to stay up. 

“PATTON!” Thomas cried, and Patton smiled at his host. His eyes flitting around the room and fell one by one on Virgil’s elated smile, Logan’s look of satisfaction, and Roman’s relieved expression. 

It wasn’t long before Deceit was sinking away, accompanied by a cheery “Bye!” from Patton. It was over, he’d done it. He’d beaten Deceit. 

As quickly as it came, he felt the strength drain from him as his adrenaline wore off. All he wanted to do now was run away, curl up in his room and hide from the world. But Thomas still needed him, Virgil still needed him,  _all_  of them still needed their Happy Pappy Patton, just for a little while longer. 

So, he played the part. 

He was bright, he was cheery, he made jokes about Kant’s name and puns about eating Plato. Sure, Logan’s comments stung a little, sure he was so tired he felt he could barely stand, sure his wrists were sore and his head was pounding, threatening to break his facade at any second and reveal how broken down he really was, but Patton could handle all of that. He had before, after all. Why should this time be any different? 

Maybe it was because they had  _just_  talked about this a few months ago, and he’d promised to stop hiding his emotions so much. Maybe it was because after everything he’d been through, he just wanted to let it all go and be comforted so _badly_  that it physically pained him. Or maybe it was because after the lengths they’d just gone to keep Thomas from lying, Patton had turned right around and lied to the other sides. 

Some might argue that he wasn’t actually lying, he hadn’t said anything untrue, after all. But Patton was not as naive as he pretended to be, and he knew full well what a lie of omission was. 

So in the same breath he used to assure Thomas that he was a good person and remind Roman that morality would always be there to guide him, Patton lied. 

Guilt gnawed at his stomach as he sunk away, appearing in the commons in hopes of finding a package of cookies to take up to his room with him to serve the purpose of a comforting distraction. 

He had barely taken two steps towards the kitchen when he felt hands start to wrap around him from behind. 

Patton let out a scream and scrambled away, the hands releasing him easily the moment he started struggling. He was halfway across the room, his mind screaming  _ **danger danger DANGER!**  _at him before a quite, confused “Patton?” broke through his panic. 

Virgil stood on the other side of the room, looking confused and a little bit hurt, and the guilt in Patton’s stomach grew tenfold. 

“Oh, gosh Kiddo!” he forced himself to giggle, even though he felt like throwing up. “Way to give your old dad a heart attack! Did you need something?” 

“I, uh...I just...it’s stupid, I should have asked, I’m sorry, I-” 

“Now Virge, don’t apologize,” Patton insisted. “You didn’t do anything wrong, just spooked me a little is all!” 

Virgil didn’t look convinced, and Patton cursed himself for being so stupid. Virgil's feelings were easily hurt, and what was worse, he usually blamed himself for whatever had hurt him. It had taken Patton a lot of work to get Virgil to even entertain the notion that he deserved better, and now Patton  _himself_  was the source of Virgil’s distress. 

“Really, Kiddo,” he reassured as well as he could manage. “I’m okay, I promise.” The lie tasted foul as it left his mouth, as though Patton had swallowed tar, but he ignored it. He had to keep the charade going just a little while longer. “Did you want a hug? Was that it?” 

Virgil nodded, and Patton opened up his arms, letting Virgil fold gently into them.  ****Even though he’d been expecting it this time, and even though he was more of the holder than the one being held, Patton still felt his skin crawl as Virgil’s arms went around him again. He fought the urge to tense up, to pull away and give himself space to breathe, _god why couldn’t he **breathe?**_ and instead ran a hand soothingly through Virgil’s hair. 

“I’m right here, Kiddo,” he murmured, and he felt Virgil’s arms tighten around him. 

“I know, I just…” Virgil pulled back, and now there was a little space between them, but there were still hands on him,  _it wasn’t enough, **it wasn’t enough…**_

“I- We were scared without you.” 

“I know.” Patton smiled and took Virgil’s hands in his. “But you did the right thing, Virgil. You helped keep Thomas safe from Deceit, and you summoned me when things got bad. I’m so proud of you.” 

“I should have summoned you sooner,” Virgil mumbled, looking down. “I should have realized sooner that something was wrong, I should have tried to stop him as soon as I suspected it wasn’t you…” 

“It’s okay, Kiddo,” Patton insisted, and the small smile that Virgil gave him was almost enough to loosen the tangle of knots in Patton’s stomach. Almost. “I’m here now, and everything’s alright.” 

Virgil seemed to finally relax at that, and after a quiet “Thanks, Dad” he sunk away, presumably to his room. Patton sagged the moment he was left alone, wrapping his arms around himself and gripping them tightly. It’d been stupid, losing his composure over something as simple and benign as a hug, but for one brief, horrifying moment Patton had believed that Deceit had come back to finish what he started. 

He suddenly felt very exposed, standing alone in the open commons, and he quickly sank away to his own room, locking the door as soon as he appeared. At last, Patton let the disguise fall from his form, and he shuddered involuntarily at the sight of his wrists. Bruises were beginning to form where the strings had cut into his flesh, and a dull ache had started building in his shoulders. 

Wearily, Patton headed into his bathroom, hoping that after a hot shower and an early bedtime, things could finally start returning to normal.

But the steam in the shower only reminded him of the haze from Deceit’s room, and lying in bed with the lights turned out just gave more room for the darkness in his head to grow. Was that whispering in his head real? Or was it just a memory? Blood rushed in his ears as his heart hammered wildly in his chest,  _it was fine, it was fine, he just needed to fall asleep, it was fine, it…it wasn’t fine, **it wASN’T FINE!**_

Patton nearly knocked the lamp off his nightstand in his rush to flick it on, gasping for breath as light flooded his room again. He immediately felt silly, his heart rate beginning to slow, and yet...he couldn’t bring himself to turn off the light again. He settled for pulling out his laptop and putting on The Office, wrapping himself up in his blankets and focusing on how soft his pillow was, letting the sounds of the show drown out the thoughts in his head. Eventually his body would get too exhausted and he’d simply fall asleep, he just had to distract himself until then.

He’d be fine.

* * *

 

He wasn’t fine. 

He was swallowed by a darkness so thick he couldn’t breathe, no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t fill his lungs completely. He blinked, trying and failing to pick something,  _anything_  out in the blackness, after what felt like an eternity he realized that he  _could_  see something. 

Or rather, someone. 

No, not someone. Multiple someones. Virgil, Roman, and Logan all stood together in a cluster, talking in voices that Patton couldn’t quite make out. He smiled, and opened his mouth to call out to them, but just as he did he felt a gloved hand clamp down over his mouth. 

_No._

He reached up to pry it away, only to have another hand curl around his wrist, pulling it back. 

_NO!_

He scrambled forward, reaching out towards the others, but more hands were on him, too many hands to count, wrapping around his arms, his legs, his hair and his neck. His cries were muffled as he was dragged away from the sides, down deeper into the darkness. He had to get  _away_ , he had to get to them, but the hands in the dark were suffocating, pressing down on his chest and neck and smothering him, covering his mouth and ears and eyes and oh god, he couldn’t even see the others anymore, there was nothing but the hands pulling him away.

_**NO!**  _

Patton tried to scream, but the words stayed stuck in his throat, echoing silently in his head.

_No, no, no! Someone please, help me, let me go to them!Please, Roman, Logan, **Virgil!**   **Please, no, help me, PLEASE,** **NO!**_

Patton jerked awake, a scream dying in his throat as the dream faded away. His legs were tangled up in the blankets, and when he reached up to put his glasses on, he felt tears on his cheeks. He blinked, staring blearily at the clock on his nightstand. 

It was just past five am. 

Patton usually didn’t get up until seven thirty, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again now (and he wasn’t sure he wanted to either), so he eased out of bed and put on fresh clothes. He splashed water on his face and stared at himself in the mirror for what felt like an eternity, though it was probably only a few minutes. 

His hair had been combed, his favorite hoodie from Logan was tied around his shoulders, and his polo was tucked securely into his khakis, as it always was.  ****On the surface he seemed put together. But if someone looked closer, they’d see that his eyes were still red and puffy and his wrists still bore bruises from his time in Deceit’s room. His hands trembled slightly at his sides despite all his efforts to still them, and his throat was raw and sore from trying to scream for help.

Patton sighed and rubbed his eyes. Well, so what if he was a little off today? Nothing one of his patented Happy Pappy Patton smiles couldn’t fix. Fake it til you make it, that’d always been his motto. He could that for today. He could keep smiling. 

_You can keep smiling._

Patton flinched, looking around the bathroom, but finding it empty. The voice had sounded just like the hissing whispers from Deceit’s room, but maybe it was just a memory. Either way, Patton suddenly felt very uncomfortable in front of the mirror, and he hurried downstairs to the kitchen, jumping at every creak of the floorboards as he went. 

He began going through the motions of his morning routine, putting on the coffee pot and whipping up something for the family to eat together. He decided on chocolate chip muffins for breakfast, since he was up so early and had the time to spare. Besides, maybe the fresh baked goods would make him feel more like himself. 

Patton began mixing flour, sugar, and other items in a bowl, humming to himself as he whisked the eggs and preheated the oven. He’d baked in this kitchen a thousand times before, so he wasn’t sure why he felt so... _off,_  but he did his best to ignore it as he added milk and chocolate chips to his bowl. It was only when he had to bend down to pull out the muffin tin from the drawer under the oven when he realized the issue. 

Almost as soon as he bent over he found himself whirling around and pressing his back up against the counter, scanning the room frantically. It was empty, of course, no one else was even awake at this ungodly hour, but Patton now could put a name to the weird feeling he’d been plagued with all morning. 

Nervous. 

Having his back to an open space or bending over in such a vulnerable position was making him  _nervous._ He half expected hands to reach from behind again, just like in his room, just like in his dream, and drag him away where no one would ever find him. He tried to rationalize it away, Deceit wouldn’t come for him in the commons, would he? But no one else was around, and Dee had come for him in his own  _room,_  so why would the commons be off limits? Deceit’s chilling smile was hard to forget, and Patton found that now that he’d thought of it once, he couldn’t  _stop_ thinking about it, no matter how fast he stirred the batter or how hard he pressed his hips against the counter behind him. 

That growing sense of dread persisted as he put the muffins in the oven, poured himself his coffee, and settled onto the sofa in the living room, flipping on the TV to put on a cartoon to pass the time. 

But as it turned out, even his beloved cartoons couldn’t help him today. Patton drew his knees up to his chest, gasping for air as he tried desperately to stop his whole body from shaking. Of course, of all the cartoons he could have put on, he ended up with the Gravity Falls episode where Bill Cypher took over Dipper’s body.  Patton’s stomach churned as the image of a now possessed Dipper stomping on a laptop sat frozen on the TV screen, Deceit’s voice echoing over and over again in his head, bringing tears to his eyes: 

_“You make such a lovely puppet!”_

The sound of the timer going off in the kitchen nearly made him jump out of his skin, but it was enough to rouse him from his position on the couch and shakily pull the muffins from the oven. However, he found that his appetite was gone, so he didn’t pop a warm, gooey muffin into his mouth, instead arranging them arbitrarily on a plate for the others. 

Footsteps from behind made his heart rate skyrocket and he whirled around, but it was just Logan, too groggy without his first cup of coffee to have noticed Patton’s odd behavior. He made a surprised but appreciative noise about the fresh muffins as he poured his coffee, and sat down at the table to scroll through the news on his phone. 

Patton sat with the back of his chair against the wall and hid his wrists under the table, feeling a strange mixture of relief and worry.He was relieved that Logan was  _here,_  that he wasn’t alone anymore, but worry gnawed at his stomach nonetheless. Worry that Logan would notice that something was off, that everything wasn’t as it seemed, that the smile plastered on Patton’s face was nothing more than a flimsy shield. 

The odd feeling only increased when Virgil and Roman joined them; the sight of all three of them there, together, filling up the kitchen with their warmth made Patton almost want to cry, but with all of them there, it was more likely they’d notice him hiding his emotions again.  

Still, he kept the tears to himself. Everyone was quieter than usual, and Patton knew it was because they were all thinking of the implications of yesterday. Thomas knew about Deceit now, and he knew that other dark sides existed. Things wouldn’t be the same anymore, Patton knew that as well as any of them. 

The memory of their fear coursing through him was strong enough to make him keep his smile bright and his mouth shut, not bringing up his nightmare, his panic attack, or what had  _really_  happened yesterday with Deceit. It would only make everyone feel worse, and all he wanted was for everyone to feel better, to be the happy family that he knew they could be again. 

Patton could do this. 

* * *

 

Patton couldn’t do this. 

The bruises on his wrist were sore. Patton wandered through the mindscape alone, trying not to think about it, but the longer he walked, the more the pain grew. He stopped in the hallway when he heard voices coming from the kitchen. Should he go in there when he was like this? He didn’t know if he had the strength to hide how he felt...but maybe that was okay. Maybe he shouldn’t hide anymore.

He took a few steps forward, wincing as the pain in his wrists suddenly spiked. He looked down, only to realize that there was string wrapped around him again. It was slack at first, but when he noticed it there it tightened, digging deeper into his flesh.

_No! No, not again!_

He dashed around the corner into the kitchen, only for the string to jerk him back as the room came into view. Virgil, Roman, and Logan were sitting around the kitchen table, and sitting with them in Patton’s spot was Deceit. He was dressed in Patton’s clothes again, but his snake’s eye was still visible, a sickly yellow glow faintly emanating from it as he talked. The others did not appear to notice or care, and continued to talk and eat as though nothing was wrong.

Patton opened his mouth to call out to them, but he found that his voice wouldn’t work. He tried again, but still no sound came out. Panic clawed its way up his throat and he tried to run into the room again, but the threads around his limbs went taut, holding him in place. A strange burning, tingling sensation at his throat caught his attention, and he reached up to feel what was wrong, only to immediately jerk his hand away in horror.

His skin was hardening into  _wood_ beneath his fingertips, paralyzing him bit by bit as it spread across his whole body. His cheeks locked into a smile, his joints tightened, and his lungs froze, trapping his breath inside his chest. The sensation spread down his limbs, and he caught sight of his hands just as the last tips of his fingers stiffened, his whole body now immobile.

The only thing he could still move was his eyes, and as he looked back to the group at the table he saw Deceit, staring directly at him with a wide grin on his face.

“As you can see,” he said, nodding in Patton’s direction. “The old model is vastly inferior.”

The others turned their heads to look at Patton, who jerked forward at a flick of Deceit’s hand _._

_“Please”_  he tried to beg with his eyes as they stared at him with blank expressions.  _“Help me!”_

“I see what you mean,” Logan deadpanned instead. “It certainly leaves a lot to be desired.”

Virgil nodded in agreement, and Roman gestured dismissively as tears welled up in Patton’s eyes.

“Loot at it, it’s crying! It’s not supposed to do that!”

“Indeed, I would rather have a Morality that could actually do its job, rather than break down like this all the time,” Logan added.

“You’re right,” Virgil said, and Patton’s vision went blurry as tears spilled over his eyes and trailed down his cold, unflinching cheeks. “That one can’t help us anymore.”

“In that case…” Deceit stood and grinned again, and Patton felt panic once again trying to claw its way out of his body, but having nowhere to escape to. “Roman, if I may borrow your sword?”

The prince handed it over without a word and Deceit approached Patton slowly, his smile never wavering.

“I don’t believe we have any more need of you,” he said, then he raised the sword and slashed over Patton’s head.

The strings holding him up snapped, then Patton was falling, falling, falling, his body limp and useless as he tumbled into blackness, a scream trapped forever inside his throat.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGH!”

Patton bolted upright, his chest heaving up and down as though he had just run a marathon. His hands flew to his face, and he slumped in relief at feeling warm, soft skin beneath his fingers. A single sob escaped his throat, and then he was curling in on himself, burying his face in his arms as he cried.  

Every time he slept, the nightmares got worse; it was at the point now where Patton preferred pulling all-nighters over trying to brave the hell that sleep had become. But his body could only take so many nights without rest, and when he would inevitably fall unconscious, the dreams were even  _more_  vivid, even  _more_ horrifying.

It’d been over a month since Deceit’s temporary takeover, yet Patton found he still couldn’t relax, still couldn’t stand to be alone  _or_  be around the others, couldn’t even bear to be in a room with the lights off. He hated it, hated how weak and useless he felt all the time, hated the constant fear and paranoia, hated that he  _still_  wasn’t getting any better. If this was anything close to what Virgil dealt with on a daily basis, then Patton had a whole new slew of respect for the anxious side.

He had considered, of course, actually going to Virgil or one of the others for  _help_  with his problems, but every time he tried to work out what he would say he just felt silly. “Hi, remember when Deceit was pretending to be me a few weeks back? Well it turns out to do that he kidnapped me and locked me in his room and now I can’t be alone for more than five minutes without worrying that he’s going to come back and replace me again and that none of you would even notice or care that I was gone, do ya think you could be a pal and tell me that that’s  _not_  going to happen so I can actually sleep at night?”

It was ridiculous, he knew it was. Logical thinking told him that since it had been over a month and there had been no new movements from Deceit or any of the other Dark Sides that Patton’s fear was unlikely to become a reality. What’s more, the fact that they eventually realized that it was Deceit impersonating Patton the first time meant that if he were to do so again, they would probably catch him again...wouldn’t they? Yes, of course they would, they wouldn’t fall for the same trick twice…

_“The lies we tell ourselves are the sweetest ones of all, are they not?”_

Deceit’s voice echoed in his head and Patton sighed, wiping at the few remaining tears on his face. He didn’t know anymore what were lies he told himself and what were things Deceit just wanted him to believe, didn’t know the difference between a voice inside his head and a memory. At any rate, it didn’t matter right now. Sleep would not be coming for the rest of the night, so he may as well get up.

Patton slid out of bed and crept downstairs, expecting the commons to be dark and empty, as they usually were at four am. To his surprise though, a lamp was on in the corner as he approached, and he saw the top of a black and purple hood poking up from behind the couch. Patton froze for a moment, debating whether or not to make his presence known, but that decision was made for him when the steps beneath Patton creaked and Virgil turned around, blinking in surprise when he saw the moral trait standing frozen in the entryway.

“Hey, Pat.” Virgil’s voice was low and gravely, evidence of its disuse, and the bags under his eyes appeared to be real, not eyeshadow, but the smile he gave Patton was warm and inviting. “What’re you doin’ up?”

Patton recovered quickly, plastering a smile of his own onto his face with practiced ease.

“I could ask you the same question, Kiddo. It’s four o’clock in the morning!”

Virgil shrugged.

“Can’t sleep. It happens sometimes when Thomas is really anxious about something. Not a lot I can do besides wait it out.”

Outwardly, Patton showed sympathy on his face, but secretly he was almost glad. He could distract himself from his own problems by helping Virgil deal with his. A gentle lecture about taking care of yourself, a cup of hot cocoa, maybe putting on a movie and getting Virgil to fall asleep in his lap by playing with his hair. Staying awake would be much less miserable if he actually had a good reason for it, and he could slip a little coffee into his own mug to make sure he didn’t fall asleep again. He was about to open his mouth to begin his “self care” speech when Virgil raised an eyebrow at him.

“That’s normal for me, though. Comes with the whole ‘Anxiety’ territory and all that.” He leaned forward, concern evident in his eyes. “Why are  _you_  awake?”

“I…” Patton hesitated, feeling the intensity of Virgil’s stare burning into him. He wasn’t sure he had the energy to pull of a lie, but Virgil already couldn’t sleep because of Thomas’s worries, the last thing he needed was to be burdened with Patton’s too.

“I just had a little nightmare, that’s all.” Not technically a lie. “It’s not a big deal, really.” Alright,  _that_  was technically a lie. Yet another lie of omission; it seemed that Patton had never  _stopped_  telling lies of omission since the Deceit incident. But lies of omission were usually the most morally justifiable, weren’t they? The answer to Kant’s dilema. Don’t tell the murderer the truth, but don’t tell them a lie either, just refuse to answer altogether. Even if it puts you at risk, you’re doing it to protect your friend, so it’s worth it. Right?

Virgil regarded him quietly, something unreadable in his eyes. Then he sighed and looked down at his hands, picking at the remains of some purple nail polish on his fingers.

“Kiddo?” Patton asked with a small frown.

“Patton…” Virgil began hesitantly, then he looked up into Patton’s eyes again and his gaze grew determined. “Patton. You’re my best friend, you know that, right?”

Patton blinked in surprise, but he nodded.

“And I...I mean, I think...I  _hope_  at least…” Virgil looked away for a moment, then sighed again. “I think I’m your best friend too, right?”

“Oh, Kiddo, of course you are! I—”

“So then...please, Pat, can you…” Virgil shook his head, then met Patton’s eyes, the look on his face almost pleading. “Can you please just  _talk_  to me?”

“Huh?” Patton asked with a nervous laugh. “Wh...what do you mean, Kiddo, I—”

“Patton, please,” Virgil insisted, standing up. “Something’s wrong, I can tell there is, alright? You haven’t been... _yourself_  lately, and you’re really worrying me.”

Patton’s heart sank, and he wanted nothing more than to turn around and run back up the stairs, but he knew that would only make it  _more_  apparent to Virgil that something was wrong.

“Kiddo... _Virgil_ , please, I don’t want you to worry about me, okay? I’m fine, really, I—”

“You don’t like standing out in the open,” Virgil interrupted.

“I—what?”

“You always have your back up against something. In fact, right now is the longest I’ve seen you just stand still in some time.”

Patton was all of a sudden keenly aware that he  _had_  been standing still, out in the open for several minutes now, and his heart rate immediately began to quicken. He must have tensed up as well, because Virgil’s expression softened into something between pity and understanding, but he pressed forward, unwilling to let the subject go.

“You also get nervous any time one of us comes into the room, but you also get nervous when we  _leave_ the room. Like, we startled you when we entered but you don’t want us out of your sight now that we’re here. But even though you want to be around us nearly  _all_  the time, you hardly ever talk anymore, like you’re afraid that if you do, something will come spilling out.”

Patton stared at Virgil, his mouth slightly agape. Had he really been that noticeable?

“You don’t smile for real as much anymore,” Virgil continued. “Yes, I can tell the difference. And you usually hug so often it’s almost  _too_ much, but lately it’s like you’re afraid of anybody touching you. And you usually have on at least one friendship bracelet when we’re not filming, and I haven’t seen you wear one in weeks.”

Patton wrapped his arms around himself and looked away, biting his lip to keep it from trembling. He hadn’t even realized he’d stopped wearing the bracelets, but he had a vague memory of putting one on one day, only to take it off almost immediately, not liking how the thread moved on his wrist.

“Also.” Virgil’s voice was low, quiet, and impossibly close, and when Patton glanced up to see that the anxious side had come around the couch and was standing next to him. “This isn’t the first sleepless night that I’ve had lately. And I’ve seen your light on under your door, every night that I’ve been awake. Or sometimes I’ll come down to the commons and you’ll already be here, zoned out in front of the TV like a zombie, but jerking yourself awake if you doze off.”  

Patton closed his eyes, trying to keep the tears that he could feel pricking at the back of his eyes from showing.

“Patton?”

When Patton glanced up, he found Virgil giving him a look that was heavy with understanding, and something inside him broke.

“Behavior doesn’t just...change like that unless something happened to  _make_  it,” Virgil continued gently. “Trust me, I know. And it’s not going to get better if you don’t try and  _face_...whatever it is.”

Patton opened his mouth to say...something, he wasn’t even sure what, but what came out instead was a quiet sob, then his hand was over his mouth as tears poured down his face and he was falling against Virgil’s chest, his body shaking with sobs. Virgil caught him easily, wrapping his arms around him protectively and slowly guiding him towards the couch. Patton tensed just for a moment at being enclosed by a pair of arms again, but Virgil’s loving, gentle touch was nothing like Deceit’s rough manhandling, and soon he melted completely into the hug.

Patton wasn’t sure how long he cried for, all he knew was that Virgil’s grip never loosened once, if anything it grew tighter once the two of them were sitting, as if by holding him, Virgil could take away every single thing that had been plaguing Patton’s mind for what felt like an eternity.

Eventually though, Patton found that he had no tears left to cry, and as soon as his sobs quieted, he immediately felt shame and embarrassment creep their way into his chest.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his face still buried in Virgil’s shirt.

“What?” Virgil sounded surprised, and Patton pulled away just enough to look his friend in the face.

“I’m sorry, I never wanted you to worry about me, that’s why I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t bear the thought of me making everything worse after it was already so bad, I just—”

“Woah, woah,” Virgil interrupted. “You don’t need to apologize, Pat, if anything, I should be apologizing to  _you_.”

Patton shook his head.

“You didn’t do anything,” he mumbled, looking away, but Virgil gently cupped his cheek, bringing Patton’s gaze forward to meet his own.

“I know, Patton, and that’s the problem. I suspected something was going on, but I never said anything about it, never did anything to try and help. I was so worried that you’d be upset with me if I did, or that I’d do something wrong and make everything worse, that I did  _nothing_. And you deserve so much more than that.”

Patton shook his head, reaching up and wiping his eyes.

“I just...I didn’t want... _this,_  you know? I didn’t want you all to worry...not when you all had so much to worry about already. I just didn’t want to be...to be more of a burden than I already was.”

“Oh, Patton,” Virgil sighed, pulling him close again. “You’re not a burden.”

“I  _am_  though!” Patton insisted, pushing back so he could look Virgil in the face. “I know that I’m a lot, okay? I know that I’m too much sometimes, I know that Logan thinks I’m silly and Roman thinks I’m adorable but a bit of an airhead, I know that you all need me to be the Dad, all the time, and I  _want_  to be, so bad, but I can’t do it all the time, I just  _can’t_ , but if I let that show it would only  _worry_ you all, so I don’t!”

“Patton…” Virgil was staring at him, eyes wide with concern. “We talked about this…”

“I  _know_ , Virgil,” Patton said, the words tumbling out of his mouth faster than he could think. “I know we talked about me not hiding when I’m sad all the time, and I get that doing that is bad for Thomas, so I don’t do it anymore, not when it’s  _Thomas’s_  problems I’m dealing with, but this is  _different_ , alright? This has nothing to do with Thomas, it’s just me and my own problems. And you all have enough on your plates to deal with without worrying about me on top of everything else. I mean, look what happened last time you were worried about me! You were all so worked up that Thomas was starting to panic, imagine how bad it would have gotten if I’d told you what Deceit actually  _did_  to me!”

“What Deceit  _did_  to you?” Virgil asked sharply, and Patton’s eyes widened. He hadn’t meant to say that much, but once his mouth had started moving he hadn’t been able to stop it.

“I, uh, I mean...”

“Patton.” Virgil’s voice was low, tense, a barely held back wave of emotions that made Patton close his mouth and listen. “What do you mean,  _what Deceit **did**  to you?”_

“Um...just that, you know, he impersonated me,” Patton tried to say casually, but Virgil shook his head.

“Patton, please.” His voice was tight, like he was struggling to hold himself back. “Just... _tell_  me. What...what happened to you?”

So Patton told him everything. He told him about Deceit, about being dragged away and locked up, about feeling Thomas’s need for him but being helpless to do anything, unable to move or even call out for help. He told him how when he finally was summoned, he could feel everyone’s panic and fear and that he couldn’t bear to add to it by revealing what he’d been through.

“So...you hid it,” Virgil whispered, and Patton nodded.

“I hid it then...and I hid my bruises for at least a week, until they disappeared completely.” Patton tugged at a loose thread on the hem of his polo, not meeting Virgil’s eyes. “At first I didn’t want to worry you, and then...I guess I thought that if I just pretended it never happened, everything would just go back to normal.”

“But it hasn’t, has it?” Virgil asked gently. Patton shook his head, unable to speak. “Patton, what you’ve been through...it was a trauma. No, don’t look at me like that, it was, okay? You can’t just sit on that and hope it will get better on its own, you have to  _process_  it if you ever want to get on the road to feeling better again.”

Patton sniffled, and after a questioning look from Virgil, allowed himself to be pulled back into a hug.

“I just want this all to  _stop_ ,” he mumbled as he nestled closer into Virgil’s hold. “I’m tired of being scared he’s coming back, I’m tired of nightmares and not sleeping and being afraid all the time.”

“I know,” Virgil whispered, running a hand through Patton’s hair. “Believe me, I know. Just give yourself time, okay?”  

“How much though?” Patton asked before he could stop himself. “How much time before it gets any better, how long do I have to wait for this to go away?”

Virgil sighed, and kissed the top of Patton’s head.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, and Patton whimpered. “But,” he added, finding Patton’s hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze, “I do know that however long it takes, you won’t be alone. I promise.”  

Patton just nodded, not trusting himself to speak again. The two of them sat together in silence for a while, Patton wasn’t really sure how long, but then he felt Virgil shift underneath him, and he lifted his head enough to meet his eyes.

“Hey,” he said gently. “Since it’ll only be a few hours ‘til morning, do you want to put on a movie or something?”

Patton shrugged, then gave a small nod. It wasn’t too far off from what he’d originally planned to spend the rest of the night doing. He made a move to get up, but Virgil gently pushed him back down, shaking his head.

“Uh uh,” he said, grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch and wrapping it around Patton’s shoulders. “For once, you just stay put. Let someone else do the caring, okay?”

Patton could only nod as Virgil got up and busied himself setting up the movie. He disappeared into the kitchen for a moment, then returned with a plate full of cheese and crackers, a jar of peanut butter and two glasses of chocolate milk all balanced precariously on a tray. Patton couldn’t help but smile a bit as Virgil carefully set the tray down, then grabbed the remote and hit ‘play’ on the movie he’d chosen, which turned out to be Winnie the Pooh.

“It’s not as good as your snack trays usually are,” Virgil admitted somewhat sheepishly. “But I thought that a little food might help...you don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to, I just figured maybe—”

“It’s perfect,” Patton interrupted, and Virgil’s lips quirked up into a small smile that made Patton’s heart lift, just a little bit. “Thank you,” he added quietly, and he didn’t just mean for the snacks and movie, but he wasn’t sure if he could bring himself to say anything more. Virgil seemed to understand though, and he scooted closer to Patton, pulling at the blanket around his shoulders so the two of them could share.

* * *

 

When Logan and Roman came downstairs several hours later, they were greeted with the sight of Virgil dozing on Patton’s shoulder while Piglet’s Big Movie played quietly on the TV.

“Uhh, good morning, Patton,” Logan said, raising an eyebrow. Patton turned to look at them, and Roman’s eyes widened.

“I say, Padre, are you feeling alright? You’re looking a little worse for wear.”

“I’m f—” Patton started to say out of habit, then he froze and glanced down at Virgil, who was stirring on his shoulder, blinking slowly as he re-adjusted to daylight.

“Patton?” Roman asked again, frowning in concern, and Patton sighed, looking down at his hands.

“Logan, could you make a pot of coffee?” Virgil asked as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. “We need to have a talk.”

Logan looked worried, but he nodded, disappearing into the kitchen as Roman sank into an armchair by the couch, eyeing Patton with a curious expression. Patton leaned over and hid his face in Virgil’s shoulder, not wanting to have to look at anybody else. He felt Virgil’s hand find his own and give it a reassuring squeeze.

Only when Logan reappeared with one mug of coffee for himself and one for Virgil did the anxious side start to talk.

“There’s...something that you guys need to know,” he began, then he turned to Patton expectantly.

“I…” Patton peeked out at the others, then sighed. “I haven’t been entirely...honest...with you all in the last month or so.”

He wasn’t sure why, but it was a little easier, telling the story the second time. Maybe it was because every time he faltered, Virgil would squeeze his hand or whisper something encouraging in his ear. Maybe because now that he’d already told it once, he felt like it was already out in the world, so trying to keep hiding it felt useless. Maybe it just was time for it to come out, like a caterpillar that had been in its cocoon too long and was now finally breaking free. But whatever it was, Patton found himself letting everything go.

Of course, that didn’t mean it was easy. His breath still caught in his throat when he remembered Deceit’s arms wrapping around him or the whispers that he could still hear if he thought too hard about them, but here, tucked safely into Virgil’s arms with the smell of maple syrup filling the air, something in his mind told him it’d be okay to talk.

“I’m sorry,” Patton said again when he was finished. “I didn’t want to lie, but I also didn’t want you to know, and I just…”

“No, Patton, I believe it is  _we_  who ought to be apologizing,” Logan interjected, and Roman nodded in agreement, a scowl on his face. “We should have realized that something was wrong, both when Deceit was there and after he had gone,” Logan continued. “But I know that I, for one, was much more wrapped up in my own thoughts surrounding the incident to notice how it was affecting you.”

“I swear, when I get my hands on that snake…” Roman growled, wringing his hands around an imaginary neck.

“Roman,” Virgil warned, and Roman sighed, standing up and pacing around the room.

“I feel as though I let this happen, Virgil! I played right into Deceit’s hands in that stupid theatre, not to mention if it weren’t for me and my frivolous flights of fancy, Andrew Lloyd Fibber wouldn’t have even shown up in the first place!”

“No, Roman, it’s, it’s not your fault,” Patton insisted, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.

“It is not  _your_  fault either, Patton,” Logan said suddenly. “You...you do realize this, right?”

Patton opened his mouth to say yes, but found he couldn’t do it.

_“What happens next? Is all **your**  fault.”_

Deceit had been lying, that’s what he  _did_ , Patton knew that. And some part of him  _did_  know it wasn’t his fault...but he supposed  _he’d_  be the one lying if he said he didn’t  _ever_  believe what Deceit had hissed in his ear before locking him away. He believed it a lot, actually. If only he had been more careful, if only he’d been able to fight Deceit off more, if only he’d been able to reach one of the others through the haze of that awful room…

Well, Patton was done lying about this. To the others,  _and_  to himself.

“I...I don’t know,” he whispered, and tears once again welled up in his eyes. “I don’t...I don’t know anything anymore.”

“And that’s okay,” Virgil murmured, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Like I said. Give it time.”

“As much time as you need,” Roman added, stopping in front of the couch and kneeling down next to Patton. “We’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“Agreed,” Logan said, rising from his chair to kneel down next to Roman. “You are the priority right now, Patton. Anything you need to recover, anything you want, and we will make sure that it happens.”

“I…” Patton’s head was spinning, and a cacophony of emotions that were clashing together in his mind. Pain, fear, happiness, regret, relief, he could barely even think straight, yet alone talk. “I want…” Suddenly, all the other feelings washed away, leaving nothing behind but bone-deep exhaustion.

“I want to sleep.”

Logan seemed surprised by the statement, but he nodded.

“Very well, we can leave you alone to rest if you pre—”

“ _NO!_  No, I…” Patton put his head in his hands, sighing. “I...I haven’t been  _able_  to sleep...not since...not since it happened, I, I get nightmares. Bad ones,” he admitted.

“Aha!” Roman said, causing both Patton and Virgil to jump slightly. “Well, I just so happen to have the perfect cure for nightmares.” He snapped his fingers, and the couch transformed into a king-sized bed piled high with plenty of pillows and blankets for all to share. His prince costume morphed into soft, flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt, and the other three found that their clothes had also been changed into comfy PJs. “A group sleepover!” Roman declared, seeming very pleased with himself.

“I...Kiddo, it’s almost eight in the morning!” Patton protested, though the sight of his family all in their pajamas was enough to warm his heart a bit.

“Then we’ll just have a movie day while you catch up on whatever sleep you can,” Virgil said softly. “Just...let us do this, alright Pat?”

Patton wanted to protest, wanted to tell them not to waste their entire day on him, but Logan was already sliding under the covers on his opposite side, and Roman was queuing up Cinderella, Patton’s favorite Disney Princess film, and dimming the lights with a wave of his hand.

“Alright,” he agreed.

Virgil smiled and snuggled closer to him, reaching an arm across Patton’s chest to lace his fingers with Logan’s so the two of them could lock Patton into a duel hug. Roman crawled into Patton’s lap, leaning back against his stomach so that Patton could see and feel each of them there with him, reassuring him with their presence.

The movie started to play, and there in the living room, wrapped up under the weight of both the blankets and his family’s arms around him, Patton finally let his eyes drift closed.

He wished he could say that as he slipped right away into sleep, he didn’t have any nightmares, and that he slept better than he had in weeks. Saying that would be a lie though, and he was done with the lies, for good this time.

But this time, when his eyes flew open and his body bolted upright, he wasn’t left shaking alone in his room, he was surrounded on all sides by the people he cared about the most. Logan reached over and took his hand, rubbing gentle circles with his thumb until Patton’s panicked breathing eased. Virgil sleepily nestled closer, practically koala-hugging him, and Roman began to hum softly along to the movie, placing a comforting hand on Patton’s knee.

Gradually, Patton’s heart rate began to slow, and he let out a deep sigh, falling back against the pillows. Virgil was right. It would take time, probably a  _long_  time, but what mattered more was that he wouldn’t be  _alone_  during that time. Sometimes to keep the ones you loved safe, you had to tell a lie. But  _sometimes_ , the ones you loved wanted to be there for  _you_ , and if you were going to let them, you had to let the truth come out.  

_You're always happy._

He wasn’t always happy, and that was okay.

_You can keep smiling._

He didn’t  _need_  to keep smiling when he was having a bad day.

_You can handle it._

He  _couldn’t_  handle it, not alone, but there was nothing wrong with that.

_The others see you._

_They value you._

_**They love you.** _

Patton knew that this time, the voice in the back of his head was telling nothing but the truth.


End file.
